They merely manifest differently. They exist in moments, lucid, beautiful and rarely expected. All are hard earned, sought and only then found. This Birmingham evening will be special though, for its joys, when realised, will be brought into focus by what I would have come so close to losing. And it will be all the more worth it for that.
I went to the sea recently and waited for everyone to leave. When the sun had gone I walked along the beach and listened to the waves talking me down. I felt that everything was fine, for the first time in a while. I live in the rolling hills of west Dorset north of Lyme Regis.
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He used to have us get up in front of the class one by one and do a piece while he worked on us, releasing the connective tissue etc. and inevitably everyone cried. The idea was that they’d been holding onto their hurt, their anger, for years and years and here it was, releasing into the work. Lawrence’s Women in Love is a sure thing. How did he know to put those words next to each other like that, to encapsulate the most fundamental nuances of the human experience in all those perfectly chosen words?? I’m having a similar experience with Frogs right now.
For instance, if you have played the violin and are listening to a particularly difficult piece from the master, you are overwhelmed by their mastery of that moment because you are attuned to that by body memory. It is something that you once searched out. So when you have searched out various loves, the present moments are filled with willing ghosts that are ready to reanimate the moment, to set in on fire for you. Because you can see them and hear them.
My answer is to find joy in those small moments that occur every single day that we fail to notice because we’re chasing the next big thing to bring us that moment of joy/happiness. They are everywhere if you take the time to find them.Living in a developed country, not at war, we are beyond privileged to be able to experience these small joys every day. Being thankful every day for that is itself a gift. Your writing, your music, have resonated with us because like so many people we have experienced great hurt, loss, uncertainty.
And just a little more looking….it could be a spring blossom, or the way my dog looks at me adoringly, or the perfect brushstroke….. And very quietly joy tiptoes into my being. Not with a loud bang of light, but a little sparkle. I am safe, relaxed, loved, and secure. These days I have little joy in my life, for obvious reasons – being an Israeli and a Jewish person (though I’m not religious at all and cannot comprehend why in the 21st century people are still being prosecuted for being Jewish). I have three girls and I’m afraid for them and for their future and the only thing that keeps me sane and “joy” is music.
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