I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask as things are not great here. Be honest, ask for support, forgiveness, apologise and seek help. @spottydog thank you for the reply, that’s really helpful. I have been quite laidback in the past about finances, so I do blame myself. I’m unsure if he will agree to all of the things you’ve suggested but if he doesn’t then that’s it for us. I just feel like I don’t know him, I had no real idea this was happening and I just feel so stupid.

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Try to wait until you’re calm before talking about it with them and show them love and concern rather than anger. Substances like drugs and alcohol change the way our body and mind work. Some drugs make you wake up and make you want to party (stimulants), and other relax you or make you forget things (depressants). For example, to feel relief from pain, to feel energetic, or to help them feel relaxed and calm. Some people use drugs and alcohol to block out difficult emotions or make themselves feel better.

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If u stay and implement all these things you are protecting your family from futher issues down the line. Give an addict an inch and they take a mile this is coming from an addict who has a partner too laid back. Now u know this is a good thing u can protect your future finances if u stand firm. Its your choice but its not easy beating an addiction and help intervention is needed.

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It still doesn’t feel real and I can’t believe this is happening. We both have decent jobs but never have money, and it just didn’t click with me. I have told some family members and a trusted friend, but i don’t think anyone understands  so your reply is much appreciated. Part of me absolutely wants to split, but I’m so worried about the kids as they’d be devastated. I do love my partner but im unsure if I can get past the lies. I feel like I’m grieving for the life I thought we had and trying to make a decision about our future.